About Me

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Being yourself in a marriage

I recently read an article by Kristin Armstrong, former wife of Lance Armstrong. The article is all about her marriage to Lance and how along the way she lost herself. She writes how she was before she met her husband, working for a start up and living the independent life, doing those things that she wanted and living her life fully. However after she married Lance Armstrong those things slowly went away and she threw herself into being Lance's wife, doing those things that helped her husband in turn slowly giving up and forgetting about those things that were important to her. She writes that
"The problem is that when a young woman announces her engagement, everyone is quick to roll out the matrimonial red carpet by throwing showers and obsessing over wedding day plans. This helps a bride prepare for the reality of marriage about as much as nine months of baby showers and nursery decorating prepare a gestating woman for the awesome task of raising a child: not at all."

Kristin Armstrong explains that marriage "has the potential to erode the very fiber of your identity" as the wife slowly becomes the person who cares for everything of the husband and has to be willing to make more sacrifices. She fell into the often common problem of marriage for women and one that is often touted to show how marriage is a bad thing for women. I grew up in a traditional family with a stay at home mom and a working father, however I was never taught to be a wife that was to bend to my husband's lifestyle after marriage. I was taught to do those things that I want to do and is a reflection of my potential. As for getting married I did and chose a partner that would give me space to do what I want and also had similar ambitions and outlook in life. That is not to say that my husband is a mirror image of me, we have our differences but in the end we respect each other and encourage each other to do that which makes us happy. I did not have to give up doing those things that make me me. Similarly I don't ever tell my husband to give up a dream he has because of me I will be there to encourage and support him. This does not mean that we will lead two separate paths, there is always some give and take so that we can be together but never at the expense of each others happiness. Kirstin writes that if she were to do it over again, she would not have completely given up those things that make her and define her. As women we do not have to sacrifice our identity for our husband to make a marriage work, by doing that we only make it worse for ourself and also for our husband, as he thinks that we are doing it out of our own volition. In a marriage it's important to assert your own worth and identity and to let the other know when something bothers you or when you are not happy. A marriage really thrives well with good communication, and expressing feelings. A healthy marriage should be equal and loving for both individual, not one sided.

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